Post by littlelily613 on Jul 10, 2011 22:42:15 GMT -5
Hi everyone! Lydia just directed me to these boards today, and I hope a lot of people begin to come here soon.
Well, my intro...let's see...
I am 27 years old from Eastern Canada. I am a university student, going into my 4th year in the fall, with absolutely no idea what to do after my Master's which I intend to get eventually as well.
My parents knew there was something wrong with me since I was born. Throughout my childhood (and even until today, though not quite as frequent), I have had so many meltdowns, sometimes 3 or 4 a day. These began in the hospital immediately after birth, and persisted throughout my life.
I also feel as though I was at an incredible disadvantage, being a girl with clearly autistic symptoms presented to the doctors in the late 80s. I do not know if my lack of a diagnosis is because of my gender or because the doctors were so ignorant and oblivious, but I am not mild and am very autistic. It makes me kind of angry that they have not identified it until my late 20s. Particularly since I have lost count of the psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists I had to see for autistic-related symptoms.
I was always an isolated baby, child, and adult. I did not have speech until after age 2 1/2. By age three I could speak in sentences. Then a month or two after my third birthday, I lost the ability to speak entirely. I could not say a word, nor did I try at that time. I went into my own little world. Despite this regression that can be common in people with autism, the doctors blamed my mother instead for talking too fast (she didn't, btw, and even if she did, I fail to see how this would make a perfectly coherent speaker completely non-verbal for years). No mention of autism was made, nor were any related labels offered. I was put into preschool early, at the age 3 because of the doctors' request. I also had to do speech therapy two or three times a week. Still, I did not regain the language skills I had lost for another 2 years, until just before primary at the age of almost 5 1/2.
As a toddler and a child, I was almost always alone. Even when I was around kids, I played alone. I liked to organize my toys and line them up or spin them or categorize them instead of using them the way NT children might, and I engaged in a lot of stimming (ever since I was in the crib). I did have a new "best friend" every year of school, but my inability to be in groups, my lack of proper social communication, and my tendancy to be clingy (I usually depend on my current best friend to communicate for me) yet still wanting solitude a lot of the time, I was unable to sustain the vast majority of my friendships. I have only ever had 2 or 3 friends at a time at the most, and for a large part of my life, I have had no friends. I have never wanted to be lonely, but often have little motivation to do things with other people.
Anyway, growing up, I have heard of the word autism as many others have, but was so ignorant about what it really is. I only thought it included people that are typically labelled as LFA who are non-verbal. Still then, I didn't know exactly what autism was and what it meant to be even LFA. When my nephew was born when I was almost 19, about a year or more later, I was convinced he had autism (LFA since that was all I knew). He would not look when you called his name, he would not go near anyone, he cried when people touched him, and he would not talk (side note=shortly after, he did start talking, and he is quite social now, though I do still fully believe he has Aspergers even though he has never been seen by anyway and therefore does not have a diagnosis). Anyway, as I was reading up on autism, I began to look at all the characteristics and thought to myself, "I do that....and that....doesn't everyone do that?..." etc. So by the age of 20-21, I had diagnosed myself with Aspergers (before I knew of my early childhood development).
I never expected to discover that I was on the spectrum, and it still really feels like chance. If it wasn't for my nephew's behaviour that disappeared almost immediately after I self-diagnosed myself (ie. I now think he has Aspergers, not classic autism), I never would have discovered this aspect of my identity since I only ever knew of LFA. Had he acted more like an aspie as a baby, I never would have thought to look into autism. Fate, maybe??
Anyway, from 2004 until the present year, I remained convinced I had autism. Before then, I thought I was completely normal because I guess I did not have the self-awareness to know that my actions, thoughts, and behaviours were, indeed, different from others I went to school with. While they all moved forward in their lives: graduating college, getting careers, getting married, and having children, I remained completely isolated and basically a shut-in in my parents' home. I was financially dependent on them (and still largely am), and I could not keep a job (I have had more than 40 jobs, and I have only been working for 10 years). I often quit my job a couple days after I start it because I cannot handle it. Despite this, and despite recognizing more and more autistic qualities, I occasionally thought that perhaps this was all in my head and I was just trying to make up excuses for myself. For about a year or two a few years ago, I just kind of dropped the AS idea and forgot about it.
Just a year or two ago, though, AS resurfaced in my mind. I think what renewed this self-diagnosis was the fact that I had started university in 2009 and realized that my differences are strong and are not diminishing no matter what I do at school. I had begun to see a counsellor through the school, and she mentioned--without me saying a word about it--that she thought I might have Aspergers. This was in December of 2010. A month later, I had an appointment with the first diagnostician, and in March of this year, I was diagnosed with Aspergers.
Without being able to get a proper report, I quickly learned that this clinic did not do a complete evaluation. Several hundred dollars poorer, and completely frustrated, I went looking for a second, more professional, diagnosis. Last month I was given the ADI-R and ADOS. My dad had come for the ADI-R portion, and I had learned things I was never aware of before. Just this month I was given the results to that. I met and greatly exceeded all of the cut offs for autism. Aspergers could not apply to me because of my language development, and the first diagnosis was revoked. I was instead given the diagnosis of classic autism.
Although I am considered high-functioning because I am verbal, have an above average IQ, and go to university (while having maintained a very casual position with on-campus employment since last September), I sometimes don't always feel high-functioning. I am far from mild, and consider myself to be "severe high-functioning" because I do realize I am verbal and such but I see my symptoms as severe anyway. I do work, yes, but like I said, it is a casual position. I rarely work more than 10 hours a week (sometimes no more than 5 even--and some weeks are completely open with no shifts) except for during a few scattered busy weeks throughout the school year. I do actually love this particular job, and do not see myself quitting any time soon; however, I know I probably couldn't handle it if it was fulltime. I have no friends, cannot sustain a conversation, have very little social interaction even with family members, and I have been, thus far, unable to move away from home. I have goals, but right now I do not know if it is even realisitic to think I could move away, have a regular full-time job. And the likelihood of ever getting married (or even having a relationship) or having children is getting slimmer and slimmer. My symptoms of HFA are definitely severe, IMO.
Anyway, I know this was long. If you actually made it to the end, thank you! I look forward to getting to know every one here and look forward to the expansion of this group.
Well, my intro...let's see...
I am 27 years old from Eastern Canada. I am a university student, going into my 4th year in the fall, with absolutely no idea what to do after my Master's which I intend to get eventually as well.
My parents knew there was something wrong with me since I was born. Throughout my childhood (and even until today, though not quite as frequent), I have had so many meltdowns, sometimes 3 or 4 a day. These began in the hospital immediately after birth, and persisted throughout my life.
I also feel as though I was at an incredible disadvantage, being a girl with clearly autistic symptoms presented to the doctors in the late 80s. I do not know if my lack of a diagnosis is because of my gender or because the doctors were so ignorant and oblivious, but I am not mild and am very autistic. It makes me kind of angry that they have not identified it until my late 20s. Particularly since I have lost count of the psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists I had to see for autistic-related symptoms.
I was always an isolated baby, child, and adult. I did not have speech until after age 2 1/2. By age three I could speak in sentences. Then a month or two after my third birthday, I lost the ability to speak entirely. I could not say a word, nor did I try at that time. I went into my own little world. Despite this regression that can be common in people with autism, the doctors blamed my mother instead for talking too fast (she didn't, btw, and even if she did, I fail to see how this would make a perfectly coherent speaker completely non-verbal for years). No mention of autism was made, nor were any related labels offered. I was put into preschool early, at the age 3 because of the doctors' request. I also had to do speech therapy two or three times a week. Still, I did not regain the language skills I had lost for another 2 years, until just before primary at the age of almost 5 1/2.
As a toddler and a child, I was almost always alone. Even when I was around kids, I played alone. I liked to organize my toys and line them up or spin them or categorize them instead of using them the way NT children might, and I engaged in a lot of stimming (ever since I was in the crib). I did have a new "best friend" every year of school, but my inability to be in groups, my lack of proper social communication, and my tendancy to be clingy (I usually depend on my current best friend to communicate for me) yet still wanting solitude a lot of the time, I was unable to sustain the vast majority of my friendships. I have only ever had 2 or 3 friends at a time at the most, and for a large part of my life, I have had no friends. I have never wanted to be lonely, but often have little motivation to do things with other people.
Anyway, growing up, I have heard of the word autism as many others have, but was so ignorant about what it really is. I only thought it included people that are typically labelled as LFA who are non-verbal. Still then, I didn't know exactly what autism was and what it meant to be even LFA. When my nephew was born when I was almost 19, about a year or more later, I was convinced he had autism (LFA since that was all I knew). He would not look when you called his name, he would not go near anyone, he cried when people touched him, and he would not talk (side note=shortly after, he did start talking, and he is quite social now, though I do still fully believe he has Aspergers even though he has never been seen by anyway and therefore does not have a diagnosis). Anyway, as I was reading up on autism, I began to look at all the characteristics and thought to myself, "I do that....and that....doesn't everyone do that?..." etc. So by the age of 20-21, I had diagnosed myself with Aspergers (before I knew of my early childhood development).
I never expected to discover that I was on the spectrum, and it still really feels like chance. If it wasn't for my nephew's behaviour that disappeared almost immediately after I self-diagnosed myself (ie. I now think he has Aspergers, not classic autism), I never would have discovered this aspect of my identity since I only ever knew of LFA. Had he acted more like an aspie as a baby, I never would have thought to look into autism. Fate, maybe??
Anyway, from 2004 until the present year, I remained convinced I had autism. Before then, I thought I was completely normal because I guess I did not have the self-awareness to know that my actions, thoughts, and behaviours were, indeed, different from others I went to school with. While they all moved forward in their lives: graduating college, getting careers, getting married, and having children, I remained completely isolated and basically a shut-in in my parents' home. I was financially dependent on them (and still largely am), and I could not keep a job (I have had more than 40 jobs, and I have only been working for 10 years). I often quit my job a couple days after I start it because I cannot handle it. Despite this, and despite recognizing more and more autistic qualities, I occasionally thought that perhaps this was all in my head and I was just trying to make up excuses for myself. For about a year or two a few years ago, I just kind of dropped the AS idea and forgot about it.
Just a year or two ago, though, AS resurfaced in my mind. I think what renewed this self-diagnosis was the fact that I had started university in 2009 and realized that my differences are strong and are not diminishing no matter what I do at school. I had begun to see a counsellor through the school, and she mentioned--without me saying a word about it--that she thought I might have Aspergers. This was in December of 2010. A month later, I had an appointment with the first diagnostician, and in March of this year, I was diagnosed with Aspergers.
Without being able to get a proper report, I quickly learned that this clinic did not do a complete evaluation. Several hundred dollars poorer, and completely frustrated, I went looking for a second, more professional, diagnosis. Last month I was given the ADI-R and ADOS. My dad had come for the ADI-R portion, and I had learned things I was never aware of before. Just this month I was given the results to that. I met and greatly exceeded all of the cut offs for autism. Aspergers could not apply to me because of my language development, and the first diagnosis was revoked. I was instead given the diagnosis of classic autism.
Although I am considered high-functioning because I am verbal, have an above average IQ, and go to university (while having maintained a very casual position with on-campus employment since last September), I sometimes don't always feel high-functioning. I am far from mild, and consider myself to be "severe high-functioning" because I do realize I am verbal and such but I see my symptoms as severe anyway. I do work, yes, but like I said, it is a casual position. I rarely work more than 10 hours a week (sometimes no more than 5 even--and some weeks are completely open with no shifts) except for during a few scattered busy weeks throughout the school year. I do actually love this particular job, and do not see myself quitting any time soon; however, I know I probably couldn't handle it if it was fulltime. I have no friends, cannot sustain a conversation, have very little social interaction even with family members, and I have been, thus far, unable to move away from home. I have goals, but right now I do not know if it is even realisitic to think I could move away, have a regular full-time job. And the likelihood of ever getting married (or even having a relationship) or having children is getting slimmer and slimmer. My symptoms of HFA are definitely severe, IMO.
Anyway, I know this was long. If you actually made it to the end, thank you! I look forward to getting to know every one here and look forward to the expansion of this group.