Post by pensieve on Jul 11, 2011 19:48:40 GMT -5
I'm Shanti, 25 from New South Wales in Australia.
I consider myself as self-educated because despite going to a mainstream school I never really took much from it. I don't know whether it was a sensory issue, an attention one or a processing one but I was almost the lowest achieving student in the class. The work just felt too hard to do and because I didn't like to talk to people I could never ask the teachers for help. I just gave up and began to draw.
About five years later I would begin to teach myself how to write, do math and about any historic or scientific subject. I used to hate learning about science but now it is my passion.
I had very few interests and didn't notice what was going on around me. I liked to draw, a few Disney movies, dinosaurs and dogs. In my teen years I would get into computers and in my early adult years I would get into photography.
Before the age of 20 I never really knew how others saw me. I thought as long as I hung out with people, even if I didn't talk much, that I was social. But after my first and last relationship I saw that wasn't the case. I struggled to find out what was wrong with me; dyslexia, dyspraxia, social anxiety and then finally heard about Asperger's.
I have a diagnosis of Asperger's even though I know I should at least be a high functioning autistic. I was slow to speak and even after I did I was slow to learn sentences. I always felt like I was a couple of years behind my peers in development. I have severe sensory issues and a severe dislike of change. Even if I consciously change my routine I just don't feel right. When it happens without realising it at first I'll become frustrated.
I have a meltdown every couple of days after the frustration builds up and if I wasn't medicated I'd have more. I try to hold them in when around people but that causes health issues so it's better to get away and let them out.
Before going on medication I barely spoke to people and what I did say came out in the wrong order, making me want to speak less and less. But my meds help me talk. Actually, they make me talk whether I want to or not.
Recently I have gone back into my world because I feel this is who I naturally am. I never thought to socialise when I was younger and I was happier. I'm happiest when I'm reading about a subject, usually history and science or researching and writing my own novel. I decided to make the main character autistic so people could understand what it was really like to have it and because I wanted to see how someone with autism could cope in the types of situations that happen in most sci-fi stories. Oh yes, I'm into sci-fi too, very much so. I also like the Air Force (all military really), astronomy, neuroscience and some parts of history, like the Manhattan Project, or Paris May 1968 or ancient Egypt.
I do see one friend maybe once or twice a month which at least keeps my mum happy but she stresses out a lot about me still living at home. See, she thinks that I can't be autistic because I can at least dress myself. Such ignorance I know but this is also a person that thinks ADHD is only about hyperactivity even though she has many of the symptoms herself.
My psychiatrist is no help either. Always telling me that I should move out and find work like it's something that could suddenly happen. I wonder if changing my dx to classic autism will help? Last year I experienced a lot of regression but I don't think my doctor can see it, despite every time I see him I'm stimming and barely speaking. And when I leave his office I feel suicidal or at least like running away.
Sometimes I struggle to make my own meals and if I go to make something but don't have the ingredients I will have a meltdown or just stop and not know what to do. My mum would have to make food for me. My sensory issues also keep me out of supermarkets and I have to stay medicated and fed while at concerts. All my friend and I do is go to concerts. She loves them but they can be torture to me. I refuse to sit in cafes for lunch too. I'd had far too many shutdowns in there. I will never allow myself to drive.
My shutdowns are on the severe side too. I lose speech, can hardly move and though I think there is no emotion. I can become temporarily paralyzed too but I think that is closer to a seizure disorder. It still affects my physical and mental functioning though.
I usually wear the same things everyday and struggle to take care of my personal health, despite appearing to be a highly organised person. On days without my ADHD meds that organisation goes down and when I try to keep it up I become exhausted.
Sorry about the length. I probably haven't even said all I needed to say, but I'll leave it here.
I consider myself as self-educated because despite going to a mainstream school I never really took much from it. I don't know whether it was a sensory issue, an attention one or a processing one but I was almost the lowest achieving student in the class. The work just felt too hard to do and because I didn't like to talk to people I could never ask the teachers for help. I just gave up and began to draw.
About five years later I would begin to teach myself how to write, do math and about any historic or scientific subject. I used to hate learning about science but now it is my passion.
I had very few interests and didn't notice what was going on around me. I liked to draw, a few Disney movies, dinosaurs and dogs. In my teen years I would get into computers and in my early adult years I would get into photography.
Before the age of 20 I never really knew how others saw me. I thought as long as I hung out with people, even if I didn't talk much, that I was social. But after my first and last relationship I saw that wasn't the case. I struggled to find out what was wrong with me; dyslexia, dyspraxia, social anxiety and then finally heard about Asperger's.
I have a diagnosis of Asperger's even though I know I should at least be a high functioning autistic. I was slow to speak and even after I did I was slow to learn sentences. I always felt like I was a couple of years behind my peers in development. I have severe sensory issues and a severe dislike of change. Even if I consciously change my routine I just don't feel right. When it happens without realising it at first I'll become frustrated.
I have a meltdown every couple of days after the frustration builds up and if I wasn't medicated I'd have more. I try to hold them in when around people but that causes health issues so it's better to get away and let them out.
Before going on medication I barely spoke to people and what I did say came out in the wrong order, making me want to speak less and less. But my meds help me talk. Actually, they make me talk whether I want to or not.
Recently I have gone back into my world because I feel this is who I naturally am. I never thought to socialise when I was younger and I was happier. I'm happiest when I'm reading about a subject, usually history and science or researching and writing my own novel. I decided to make the main character autistic so people could understand what it was really like to have it and because I wanted to see how someone with autism could cope in the types of situations that happen in most sci-fi stories. Oh yes, I'm into sci-fi too, very much so. I also like the Air Force (all military really), astronomy, neuroscience and some parts of history, like the Manhattan Project, or Paris May 1968 or ancient Egypt.
I do see one friend maybe once or twice a month which at least keeps my mum happy but she stresses out a lot about me still living at home. See, she thinks that I can't be autistic because I can at least dress myself. Such ignorance I know but this is also a person that thinks ADHD is only about hyperactivity even though she has many of the symptoms herself.
My psychiatrist is no help either. Always telling me that I should move out and find work like it's something that could suddenly happen. I wonder if changing my dx to classic autism will help? Last year I experienced a lot of regression but I don't think my doctor can see it, despite every time I see him I'm stimming and barely speaking. And when I leave his office I feel suicidal or at least like running away.
Sometimes I struggle to make my own meals and if I go to make something but don't have the ingredients I will have a meltdown or just stop and not know what to do. My mum would have to make food for me. My sensory issues also keep me out of supermarkets and I have to stay medicated and fed while at concerts. All my friend and I do is go to concerts. She loves them but they can be torture to me. I refuse to sit in cafes for lunch too. I'd had far too many shutdowns in there. I will never allow myself to drive.
My shutdowns are on the severe side too. I lose speech, can hardly move and though I think there is no emotion. I can become temporarily paralyzed too but I think that is closer to a seizure disorder. It still affects my physical and mental functioning though.
I usually wear the same things everyday and struggle to take care of my personal health, despite appearing to be a highly organised person. On days without my ADHD meds that organisation goes down and when I try to keep it up I become exhausted.
Sorry about the length. I probably haven't even said all I needed to say, but I'll leave it here.